Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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