i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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