Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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