Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
