So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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