the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize