You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
