I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess