Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...