They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
