Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls