i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
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Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.