I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake