Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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