i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
