Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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