i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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