Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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