I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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