Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
