gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
how does that bad decision feel?
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