so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
