I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
