I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
