She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
