the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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