What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
