so explain again why im purple
no
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this boner is exhausting
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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