I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
