ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
