the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's shark week go big or go home
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
