I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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