We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
