That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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