My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
