I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize