I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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