I just saw a hot homeless man
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
