My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
