Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize