just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
