So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
