We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
