you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
