I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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