so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
