Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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