I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
