I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
