For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
