guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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