so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize