Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
