Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
