what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is my gift to your gina
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
