For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
