we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
