Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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