She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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