OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
