I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize