Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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