all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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