wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Never underestimate the power of titties
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
