Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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