I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
