the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize