i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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