I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
