i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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